Quote Authors: Woody Allen

It is impossible to experience one’s death objectively and still carry a tune.

If it turns out that there is a God, I don’t think that he’s evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he’s an underachiever.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work… I want to achieve it through not dying.

How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size?

I can’t listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland.

Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.

His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.

I’m astounded by people who want to ‘know’ the universe when it’s hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.